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Joke of the Day

"What kind of trucks do pigs drive?..... A pig up truck"

"Did you hear about the million dollar Dutch lottery? If you win, you get a dollar a year ... for a million years."

"""Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family."" ""WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"""

"*at waffle house* ""do you want bacon or sausage?"" 'YES'"

"My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting."

"Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home."

"[Spelling Bee] Judge: Your word is... Grease. Me: Grease is the word? Judge: Yes. Grease is the word that you heard."

"What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News? A bad news bear"

"I got the job as a psychic! I don't know how."

"What do you get when you have Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, and Dwayne Johnson in the same room? An Animal, a Vegetable, and a Mineral."