217982

Joke of the Day

"Show me a person who doesn't walk on the escalator and I'll show you a person who will transition poorly into the zombie apocalypse."

"don't tell me starbucks isn't an emotion i feel that shit in my soul"

"Politicians are like sperm.. one in a million turn out to be an actual human being."

"After the tsunamis in Japan a while back, my Japanese girlfriend dumped me. It's okay though, there were plenty more in the sea."

"Whats the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted"

"What's the difference between stew haters and steers."

"I'm amazed how long I will watch a stupid infomercial, because I don't feel like reaching for the remote."

"Rape Baby A guy goes to job interview. His employer asks how his parents met. He says he is a rape baby. The boss asks if he mom is Christen. The guy asks how do you know?"

"Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice, baby. - Me taking inventory at the cryogenic infant storage facility."

"Lambs: ""BAAAAAAAAA!!!"" Hannibal Lecter: ""Shhhhhh!"" Lambs: ""Baaaa!"" Hannibal Lecter: ""Shhhh..."" Lambs: ""..."" Hannibal Lecter: ""Much better."""