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Joke of the Day

"What did Donald Trump hate most about school? Essays."

"Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy . Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me."

"I don't just talk to myself. I talk to myself, get in a debate, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day."

"You know what's a cool job?: Mirror inspector I could really see my self doing it."

"Why do blonde girls have bruises on their belly buttons? Because blonde guys are stupid too!"

"Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you're no detective."

"How does an optometrist make love? Better like this ... or better like this?"

"Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge"

"Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down? One good turn deserves another."

"I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don't know what Juno was doing in their dreams."