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Joke of the Day

"The element of surprise is the best element on the periodic table Because you don't even know it's there."

"My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell 'em: ""You're gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates""..... whatever!!"

"""My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..."" ""He took a long look at me and gave me $300"""

"You know, I really didn't need to scratch my balls today at all. Not once - said no man EVER"

"The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use."

"How I reacted to the Fine Bros controversy... [deleted]"

"Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes? Because they're paid to."

"A horse-drawn carriage sounds really romantic until you realize horses can't even hold a pen and the carriage just looks like a scribble."

"What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios? Donut seeds."

"Whats blue and slippery? A blue slipper"