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Joke of the Day

"If you were working at Hewlett Packard and you sprinted out of the building... ...would you die because you ran out of HP?"

"Grapes for breakfast it is! Beautiful, fermented, aged, liquified grapes."

"Yes, I read Quantum Physics. But only for the particles."

"*amateur magician does tablecloth-pulling trick, knocking everything over* Cat in audience: Oh, this guy's good"

"Why did Megan fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there?? Not Megan."

"Me: I must warn you, I'm like an animal in bed. Her: That's fine by me! *burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? It's dangerous to hit a lightbulb with a bat."

"It's not as exciting when you realize his name is actually Harold Potter"

"A comedian dressed up as Santa tells a joke to a man The man laughs so hard he can't stop and is about do die. Just before he dies, though, he looks at the comedian and says, ""You sleigh me."""

"My friend learned today that his effeminate kid's favourite song comes from Annie. I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, The Son'll Come Out Tomorrow."