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Joke of the Day

"Life...it's just an ""F"" in lie."

"Crazy sister put: ""I had a child very young so I had to mature quickly"" on her resume once. Put her email address as MONKEYTUSHIES87 too."

"My parents and teachers told me I could be whatever I wanted to be but I'm 28 years old now and I'm still not a crime-fighting mermaid :("

"I want to piss on the guy that stole my tweet, changed it slightly and submitted as his own on FunTweets and then set him on fire."

"What killed the Imgur front page? The Grim Reappost"

"Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job."

"The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits. She's got a point, I suppose... I work in a hammer factory."

"A Febreze commercial but with pot head teenagers trying not to get busted by their parents that had just walked in the house."

"Why is it so easy to fool an octopus? They're all suckers."

"How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb? 1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'"