217288

Joke of the Day

"Sorry I yelled ""April Fool's"" while you were proposing to your girlfriend."

"Have single guys scared of the ""Friend Zone"" even heard of long-term relationships or marriage?"

"My dog used to chase after people on a bike so I took the bike away from him."

"I wish this cop would stop riding my ass, it makes me paranoid. I also wish he'd turn his sirens off and stop trying to shoot out my tires."

"Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. ""Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."" ""Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"" ""Starvation."""

"Wanna watch Netflix in H? I'll give you the D later."

"[Dirty] Guy walks into a... A guy walks into a shop and asks if they have any parsley, the cashier answers ""No sir this is a porn shop"". The guy says ""Oh well, do you have any dill though?"""

"I just bought bunk beds. The other night I brought a date home. She said, ""I'll get on top."" I said, ""Great, I'll get the ladder."" She said, ""You sure think a lot of yourself, don't you?"""

"Today I thanked my toilet, because it puts up with my shit everyday."

"How do you get the emo out of the tree? Cut the rope."