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Joke of the Day

"[at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster"

"Where do you send Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder? Concentration camp."

"The swordsman thought he won his fight but in fact His opponent feinted"

"[math class] How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet? ""By crawling to the counter?"" GET OUT"

"One of the benefits of being a hermit You're always the best-dressed man in the room."

"My mom said she is going Indiana. I said: That's gross mom I don't want to hear about your sex life."

"You really only have 2 options: 1. You can be miserable bc you're fat 2. You can be miserable bc you're hungry"

"the easiest way to distinguish between their/there/they're is to remember that they are all different words"

"What's the greatest trick the Austrians ever pulled off? It was to convince the world that Mozart was Austrian and that Hitler in fact was German."

"What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit? [deleted]"