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Joke of the Day

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying...It seemed pretty important to him that I have it, I'll cherish it always. edit: grammar"

"My Friends and The Catholic Church Most people accuse me of being a wanker. Not the Roman Catholic Church. They call me a mass murderer!"

"I've been eating a lot of eggs lately.. I must be on an egg roll."

"i got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch."

"Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks"

"I usually like telling jokes, But I always seem to punch up the fuckline."

"What do ghosts do when they're sad? They get in an elevator to lift their spirits."

"""We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies."" - Top Secret NSA Memo"

"I can be the Taco Beast... ...If you're my Taco Belle!"

"If you've watched even one episode of two and a half men... ...you're gonna need to go ahead and get yourself tested."