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Joke of the Day

"People are like, ""Jess, can you give me some advice?"" & I'm like, ""K, don't get kidnapped."""

"Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year!"

"Had my son's hearing tested because he's always yelling. Turns out he's just an asshole. :("

"Two Polish parents are sitting at the dinner table with their two kids... The father turns to the mother and says ""Why don't we send the kids out to P-L-A-Y, so we can fuck"""

"*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?"

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear."

"The definition of an oxymoron /r/Productivity"

"I met a girl named Nirvana yesterday... I asked her ""Did your parents give you than name while you were still In Utero?"". She was like ""What?"".. I just shook my head and said ""Nevermind...""."

"Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of"

"Next on a SPOOKY Friends: Ross invites new girl to Halloween party but Rachel shows up! WITCH one will he choose? Phoebe dies of dysentery."