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Joke of the Day

"Dear Grocery Bagger, Please don't put dryer sheets and bread in the same bag. My kids don't like peanut butter & Spring Meadow sandwiches."

"[Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Areare you over 21?"

"I respected people a lot more before Spotify told me what they were listening to."

"Why do lesbians shop at Dunham's? Because they don't like Dick's."

"[At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money."

"Why are there no men's studies classes? World history already exists"

"What's the smelliest breed of dog? A poo-dle"

"Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. Billy has diabetes."

"I said to my doctor... I said to my doctor, ""Doctor, i just don't know what's wrong with me this week?"" He said ""Jim, you're a hypochondriac"". I replied ""Oh no, not that aswell!"""

"I went on a date last night with a tiny lobster. Its didnt work out. She was a little shellfish."