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Joke of the Day

"They say I can take the catheter out next week. And no, I'll never piss on an electric fence again"

"Facilitator: Any questions about the sexual harrassment course before we start? *raises hand* Me: Is ""harass"" one word or two? F: Me: Thx"

"There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"I'm pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am."

"Slept with my makeup and now my pillow looks like the shroud of Revlon."

"Your Mom is like Planet 9... very distant from the sun"

"What did the coma patient win? A-trophy."

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing."

"I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you."

"A Mexican went into a Japanese restaurant and ordered but only to be disappointed when he was served with a live Octopus slammed in his plate. He asked for a taco."