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Joke of the Day

"I love weighing myself after having a dump. It makes a shit load of difference."

"[Jesus plays hide-n-seek] Jesus: [exiting cave] Ah, ya found me! Let's play again. Harder this time. Find me now. [He ascends to Heaven]"

"What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time"

"How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat? She can use your wifes clothes"

"I'm wearing a push-up bra and can still only do 3 push-ups. Would not recommend."

"Coffee so hot you pretend not to notice it when you're out with your wife."

"What would I be if I doubled myself? Meme"

"The Victoria's Secret models should use their wings to fly to a food source."

"I call bullshit on red wine reducing fat. If there was any truth to that, I'd resemble a crack addict."

"There isn't such a thing as a communist school is there... They're all in classes?"