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Joke of the Day

"I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects."

"What's the best thing about dating a homeless chick? You can drop her off anywhere..."

"What's the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of 'em!"

"Energizer Bunny arrested! Charged with battery."

"Did you hear about the constipated chancellor? He couldn't budge it :P"

"How many dead schoolgirls does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than four because my basement's still dark."

"What is the difference between a bachelorette party and Cirque du Soleil? One is a group of cunning stunts."

"She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!"

"I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me."

"Now that the new bills have Harriet Tubman on them... if you put one on a television does that make it a tele-tubbie?"