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Joke of the Day

"Someone asked me why I only date terminal cancer patients... They asked if I did it to show them love during their waning months, which is a nice thought. But I'm really just bad with commitment."

Next Joke
 
"A general calls a colonel: - Do you have a couple of smart majors? - Yes I do. - Send them to me. I need to move my furniture around."
"When the pope dines with homeless people hes an amazing person. When I do it I'm just another homeless person."
"A man goes to visit the doctor Man: Did the test results come back? Doc: Yes, and the prognosis isn't good. Man: Well how long do I have? Doc: About 10. Man: 10 what? Years? Months? Doc: 8... 7...."
"If you think you're having a bad day.. just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom"
"Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. Kitchen has the food, guys"
"How do you upset a plumber? Kidnap his princess."
"Why're they called hemorrhoids? Surely they should be called asteroids? :]"
"I tried to jerk off with toothpaste last night... it hurt so I had to quit, but I can perform auto-fellatio, so at least I have fresh breath."
"Donald Trump is one of those people you would never let be the banker in a Monopoly game"