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Joke of the Day

"There is a new drink at my bar. It's called a Sandy. It's basically a watered down Manhattan."

"Did you know lesbians almost never cook for themselves? They prefer eating out."

"Gay Necrophelia ""well I don't see anything wrong with gay necrophelia,"" said bob, in dead earnest."

"I walked in on my wife singing the other day. Surprised, I said ""Oh, I thought you were the radio."" Flattered, she asked ""Did you come to listen?"" ""No,"" I replied, ""I came to turn it off."""

"I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off... the shower gets turned on."

"A little boy asked his father, ""Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"" Father replied, ""I don't know son, I'm still paying."

"My cat went missing, so I put up posters of myself that says... ""If you're reading this, you better get your ass back home right now!"""

"[arguing with my wife] WELL AT LEAST I DON'T BRING UP THINGS FROM THE PAST LIKE YOU DID LAST MONTH"

"I chained up my trophy wife in the basement... She's atrophy wife now."

"Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27."