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Joke of the Day

"I still see some of my ex-girlfriends. Well, not so much see, more like...watch."

"Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Why didn't you text me? I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram."

"""This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu"" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down"

"I always thought my english grades were good But then in 6th grade, i learned the alphabet"

"How do you make Manischewitz Wine? Kick him in the nuts."

"A leper man has sex with a hooker. Keep the tip, he says afterwards."

"What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested? I'm-in-a-cent!"

"is it considered a threesome if i jack off with both hands?"

"How do you disappoint a Redditor? Repost the same exact joke over and over and/or upvote it to the front page."

"My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd"