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Joke of the Day

"So I got a little drunk last night. I was out on my porch yelling ""Get off of my lawn!"" at my wife's yard gnomes."

"idea: business cards that just say NO Sir can I have 5 mins of ur [card] Girl can I get ur number [card] BRO DID U STEAL MY NO CARDS [card]"

"Q: Why did my wife cross the road? A: To fuck some dude (sorry my jokes haven't been as funny since I found out about my wife's affair)"

"What did the ventriloquist say to their friend? Nothing. He's mute. I don't even think he's as ventriloquist."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of."

"If it looks like a duck & shrieks like a drunken banshee it's probably a white woman getting her picture taken in the club."

"You're not able to watch porn on the iPhone7.. Yeah, they took the jack off."

"What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer One sells watches, and the other watches cells."

"A jumper cable walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""I'll serve you, but don't start anything."""

"Job interviewer: ""Why do you want to join the Secret Service?"" Me: ""It's a secret."" Job interviewer: ""You got the job."""