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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait to be 80 & nostalgic over the time I spent staring at my phone screen."

"Anyone else ever wondered how long it would take a giraffe to throw up ?"

"What does A&W stand for? 'Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one."

"If intelligent people don't start procreating faster than the trash in ""Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,"" we're all heading towards a very dismal future. Am I the only one seeing this?"

"My friend hates carnival, but his new girl friend makes him go anyway He's so whipped, he might as well dress up as a Saudi Arabian blogger."

"When I reached the border patrol checkpoint, I raised my kale smoothie & the officer immediately waved me through."

"Why do children have middle names? So they *know for sure* that they are in deep shit."

"Valentine's Day card idea: I'm like good sushi... You can eat me raw. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me, im going in!"

"As a teen I assumed the best thing about being an adult would be going to bed as late as I wanted. Little did I realise it's the opposite."