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Joke of the Day

"I told my mate that my newborn baby's stomach was the size of a walnut. . . . ""Just feed him a walnut then."""

"What's the hardest thing about walking across a field of dead babies. My cock."

"My mom wants a new cooking skillet for Christmas. I haven't got the dough, but oh well, we'll see how things pan out."

"I don't understand how many blueberries you're supposed to eat in one sitting. 10? 2,000? There's no natural stopping point."

"Why shouldn't you buy trousers from northern Ukraine? Chernobyl fall out."

"So, what's the suspension like on one of these? Does it have good road handling? What's the spring rate? ~ me, bra shopping"

"How do you find an obese woman's vagina in the dark? Go through the folds of fat until you smell shit, then go back one."

"I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long."

"How fast can a bear run? As fast as it can bear."

"""They say there's no such thing as a free lunch. That ends today!"" -- me as I rally lunches everywhere to overthrow their oppressors"