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Joke of the Day

"I bought my wife a refrigerator for her birthday. I know it's not the best gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."

" And I would walk 500 ft. and I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who stayed 1000 ft away as ordered by the court "

"A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks ""How high are you?"" to which the stoner replies ""No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."""

"The police were easily able to identify Will Smith as the killer. He left fresh prints."

"I really hate faulty vacuums. They suck!"

"A Priest a Rabbi and a Scientologist walk into a bar... The Priest orders an orange juice, the Rabbi orders an apple juice and the Scientologist orders a lawsuit for libel, slander and defamation."

"There's these 3 old ladies sitting on a bench. A guy comes up in a trench coat and flashes the 3 ladies. The first one has a stroke. The second one has a stroke. The third one couldn't reach."

"A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever."

"Don't be racist Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people"

"""Don't put it on my plate if you don't want me to eat it!"" - me to my kid, who's crying because I ate the playdoh burger he put on my plate"