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Joke of the Day

"People always call me unattractive until they see my wallet... then they call me poor too."

"What's a terrorists favorite sports team? The new York jets."

"It's actually rude to shoot anyone, messenger or not."

"A video of my kids attempting to cut steak would make an excellent commercial for condoms."

"Where were you born? Boss: Where were you born? Employ: India .. Boss: which part? Employ: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India ."

"What do you call a really handsome potato? A spud."

"I hope that guy that ""wants to be a billionaire"" makes $999,999,999.00 and then gets hit by a bus"

"Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it."

"No relationship is perfect so you might as well pick the perfect person you want to go through hell with"

"On my deathbed, I hope to be surrounded by family and friends while I take a few last second glances at Twitter on my iPhone."