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Joke of the Day
"Three guys walk in to a bar... The 4th one ducks"
Next Joke
"What came first the chicken or the egg? actually i came first... inside the chicken."
"I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first"
"007 then and now 007 then: Shaken not stirred. 007 now: Trimmed not shaved."
"LPT: When weightlifting, always have a friend videotape it. Because the camera always adds 10 pounds."
"Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September."
"If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel."
"I just dropped 15 pounds! But don't worry, I unplugged the toilet afterwards."
"My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes. He hugged my sister and I :("
"Emotions are like shit Sometimes you've gotta let it out"