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Joke of the Day

"To impress a girl on a 1st date, rent a Ferrari. Then drive it off a bridge & try to save her. If you can't, whatever, you drove a Ferrari."

"What did the deaf, blind, mute, handicapped kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano? A. You can't tuna fish."

"When I see someone's name trending on twitter, I used to be afraid they died. Now I'm afraid they're a Republican presidential candidate."

"I blur that line between ""not a morning person"" and ""serial killer."""

"All I got my wife for her birthday was a mirror. That'll show her who's boss."

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"

"We live in a time where ""He is hot"" is more important than ""He is a nice guy."""

"What's the MOST offensive religious joke you know?"

"My wife told me to stop listening to Wonderwall with the volume all the way up And I said MAYYYBEEEE"