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Joke of the Day
"What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look, i'm changing."
Next Joke
"Me: The bathroom Wife: What? Me: I was about to get off the couch and just wanted to stop you before you asked where I was going."
"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because number 7 is Luis Suarez, and he'll eat 9, 10, 11 and the rest of your team. (Disclaimer: The joke above is only applicable when he plays for Liverpool)"
"Why is the upcoming Windows OS called Windows 10? Because 7 ate 9..."
"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of boats? Because if they fell foward, they would still be on the boat."
"People often say to me... ""What are you doing in my garden?"""
"[interview] THEM: what would you say if i gave you money from the register and told you to keep it? ME: thank you."
"When a tramp, covered in his own piss shouts at you, you don't take it personally. So why are you ever offended by idiots on Twitter?"
"They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s."
"Being Mute. Being mute means never having to say you're sorry."