214803

Joke of the Day

"So there was a stork carrying an old man.. ..and the old man turns to it and says: ""Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"""

"Sometimes girls look at me and say, ""Mmm not bad."" They don't say it out loud but I can tell they're thinking that."

"The shortest way to piss off a hipster... Apple phone & iwatch"

"Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'"

"How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway? Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way"

"Roses are red... Violets are violet, That guy who hit that skyscraper was a really bad pilot."

"4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?"

"Be yourself. Except you, cauliflower, you have to pretend to be other food."

"They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be ""Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."""

"I was changing some fuses at Buzzfeed... ... Number 14 shocked me."