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Joke of the Day

"How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway? Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way"

"Wow, I must look really hot tonight working out, everyone is totally staring at me. *walking on treadmill with a candy bar and a Pepsi"

"Woman goes to the vet because her Great Dane keeps jumping on her when she is in the shower... VET: Ok, so want him Neutered? Woman: No, declawed."

"*dresses like a kitty* *climbs tree* *waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*"

"A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress"

"What's J.D. Salingers favorite thing to have in a sandwich? RYEbread...."

"Insanity [insanity] (noun): Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results See Also: Going back to your ex"

"I just returned from a concert put on by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra... ... ... Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."

"You ever notice how an electric pencil sharpener and a cat's butt look the same? They even make the same noise when you stick a pencil in it: Rar, Rar, Rar, Rar...."

"people get sad when a bird flys into a window but when i do it its a big hassle"