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Joke of the Day

"I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels"

"why did the chicken cross the road? to show the deer how it's done"

"My favorite part of the date is when I tell her that I want her to have my kids. And then I give them to her, all 3 of them."

"""I'll have to report you sir"" said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. ""You were doing 85 miles an hour."" ""Nonsense officer"" declared the driver. ""I've only been in the car for ten minutes."""

"A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm. So I peed on her"

"Coffee With No Cream A guy walks into a coffee shop. Waitress: What can I get you? Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream? Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?"

"""I missed you today."" ""Awwww I missed you too."" *both frantically reload dueling pistols*"

"Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A. The remote control slips from his hand."

"Say what you will about human beings, but we did invent ice cream."

"I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled."