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Joke of the Day

"What is it Lassie? Timmy fell down a well? Earthquake in LA? The Russians are coming? You found a plane? No? ...Oh, you want another beer."

"I was raised by wolves I was then lowered by bears They really should only have one species of animal operating these cranes"

"I'm a show off but not drive around with Christmas lights on my car show off And that's when I realized it was a cop car"

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *thwack* fuck... A skydiver goes FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *THWACK*"

"Pretty cool that Sarah Connor saved mankind by raw-dogging a total stranger claiming to be a time traveller at the height of the AIDS scare."

"The real problem with kissing a perfect 10 The cops come chasing after you"

"I went out with one woman who turned out to be an arsonist. I met her on match.com"

"Band:Make some noise! Crowd:WOOO! Me:THATS SO VAGUE! WHAT KIND OF NOISE?! B:I cant hear u! C:WOOO! M:B/C UR PLAN WAS FLAWED FROM THE START!"

"Everyone worries about Pao. They should be worried about... Darude Sandstorm"

"I hate meeting girls dads That's why I date black women."