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Joke of the Day

"Lock myself in the bathroom for an hour and a half to get ready. Come out looking exactly the same, but my phone's at 9% and I have to pee."

"What's the difference between a Russian bot and a sincere Trump supporter? One of them actually exists and the other *ees teepeecal Amyerikyan pyatriot*."

"How do police informants begin their jokes? Nark Nark"

"Hillary Clinton... [DELETED]"

"[mailman delivering package to hospital] DOCTOR: ah, just what the doctor ordered MAILMAN: please stop saying that"

"""I probably shouldn't have said that out loud"" -a biography"

"Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses."

"Who would still buy a Note 7 after all the controversy? A Muslim"

"I brought my Beats headphones to work, and instead of being left alone, I've had 7 rap battles and am in the finals against A$AP Carol."

"A SQL statement walks into a bar... he confidently walks up to a couple of tables and says, ""May I join you?""."