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Joke of the Day

"When's a door not a door? When it's ajar"

"If yesterday was May the Fourth be with you... I guess today is the revenge of the fifth"

"Why shouldn't you put extra lettuce on your BLT? Because then you won't be able to fit into your B-E-L-T! killme.jpg"

"Dude the goverment isn't spying on you. You're not interesting *meanwhile in a secret base* ""dont let him say that to you. You're amazing"""

"You don't need to put ""narcissist"" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying."

"TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA"

"What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme."

"Why was the young boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face"

"My gf & I are toying w/the idea of changing both of our last names rather than hyphenate Easier & we can have fun with it Mrs Velociraptor."

"How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry them"