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Joke of the Day

"If Jesus suddenly appeared today... I bet he would really hate nail guns."

"What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head ? John."

"I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET."

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"What do you call a stolen Tesla? An Edison."

"""It seems like many polls are turning against you. How do you respond?"" TRUMP: They should be sent back to Poland. Very dangerous people."

"2 monkeys in the bath. One says to the other... ""Ooh ah ah ah uh uh ooh ah ah ah ah aaah"" The other says... ""Do you want me to put some more cold in?"""

"A boy calls 911 Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911 Operator: What's your emergency? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911 Operator: So what's the problem? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, and even more likely it would not be zombie apocalypse related."

"How do you fit an elephant in a thimble? You take the ""I"" out of ""thimble"" and the ""F"" out of ""way."""