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Joke of the Day

"I make my kids drink tap water because I feel their chances of gaining unexplained super powers are greater with tap."

"There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator Only a fraction of people will get this."

"Back in my day, we didn't have computers or the internet. Guys would have to walk uphill for days to tell me I'm gay."

"Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue? Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!"

"When your boss tells you ""I need you to have everything done by Friday."" You say... I can't have everything done by Friday! Who do you think I am, Robinson Crusoe?!"

"""When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."""

"A man is making moonshine. But the machine isn't working. He goes to see his friend Gino. Gino looks at the machine and says ""That's cause it's a still!"""

"Someone asked me recently what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

"If men could get pregnant, not only would abortions be legal, I think McDonald's would be doing it."

"Relationship status: I tried to blow a kiss but it wants to just be friends"