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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me what I wanted to do for Easter So I told her ""The same thing Jesus did. Disappear on Friday and come back on Sunday."""

"If I wake up early, it's only because there are a lot of things I want to eat that day."

"Going to an event tonight and wearing a tuxedo. A real tux, not one of those cheapo ones. Seriously, this thing is made with actual penguin."

"""I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night."" ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife."""

"My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down."

"The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with botox for beauty pageants lost custody. Her child did not look surprised..."

"What's the worst thing you can hear when Willy Nelson is going down on you? I'm not Willy Nelson"

"[at Goodwill store] *buys pants that I gave them 6 months ago*"

"I'm starting a magazine called ""Jugs"". It's mostly about pottery."

"Trying to think of a good chemistry pun But all the good ones argon"