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Joke of the Day

"You hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? He stays up all night, every night, wondering if there truly is a dog."

"Nostradamus comes home and starts beating his dog Why are you going to shit here in the next 5 minutes? Because of the beating, you dickwad!"

"What's the difference between Santa and a jew? Santa goes down the chimney."

"What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth? Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)"

"The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years!"

"All a woman wants is a strong, confident, capable man who will wear whichever shirt she tells him to."

"You're more likely to find something when you're not looking for it. Right now, I'm not looking for a bunch of cash. I hope this shit works."

"Blind snipers have no idea what they're missing."

"What happened to the Marine that took a laxative? He was relieved of doodie."

"If these celebrity stints in rehab were any shorter, they'd be drive-thrus."