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Joke of the Day

"I am a joke. I am not a joke. What is laughter? DEATH! I died of laughter tomorrow!"

"*jesus turns around to find only 11 apostles* ""WHO UNFOLLOWED ME"""

"Why do you never have sex with someone's ear? Because you'll give them hearing AIDS."

"What does Professor Xavier say when he wants to be tickled? ""tummy, my X-Men!"""

"Do not adopt a snow leopard? i did its ruined the sofa, there is shit all over the house,my arms are in ribbons and now i cant find the dog, i think some charities can be downright irresponsible!"

"Whenever I see a bored boyfriend following his girlfriend around while she picks out clothes to try on I whisper ""I'd never do that to you"""

"Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any children? Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel."

"In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training... The interviewer said ""nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along""."

"I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom."

"The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman."