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Joke of the Day

"Why did Pinocchio tell lies? Because he was a fucking liar! -from Louis CK's AMA-"

"People that proudly carry their yoga mats around town... I get it. I carry my Burrito around with that same pride."

"I just laid on my cat's keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation."

"What's worse than an adult? An adult Hitler."

"Q: Why did the engineer drive the backwards? A: He had a loco motive."

"If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again."

"What do you call the history of a car? An autobiography."

"Why did the man commit suicide by helium suffocation? He wanted to go out on a high note."

"What's the difference between me and a calendar? The calendar has dates *sigh*"

"Did you hear about the epileptic who won the dance contest? He only got up to get a drink."