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Joke of the Day

"My ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!"

"Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides."

"Murphy's wife told him he should put a pair of clean socks on every day. By Friday he couldn't get his boots on."

"What's black white red all over and can't go through a revolving door A nun with a spear through her"

"Me: (from the back of the ambulance) CHANGE THE RADIO Medic: Sir you need to conserve your strength Me: I AM NOT DYING TO A COLDPLAY SONG"

"Why do tigers eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook!"

"Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe."

"What does a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both enjoy a tight Seal."

"Because it's funny! What do you call a stripper you pay with noodles? A PASTATUTE!!!"

"Ugh, I just finished eating at a restuarant, and some patronizing waitress kept asking if I wanted another shaker! It was so insalting!"