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Joke of the Day

"Jared should be okay in prison He is used to 6 inches."

"The year is 2157, our world is much like the one in that futuristic movie starring Tom Cruise. No, the other one. No, the other one. No, the"

"I have awful jet lag The WiFi on this airliner is just terrible"

"My New Years resolution is to quit doing dick jokes. It does limit my material though. It does makes it...hard."

"What electronic device leaves behind a lot of broken glass? A PC, seeing how they typically run on Windows!"

"I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job."

"My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up. It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way."

"Whenever I see an empty pizza box in a neighbor's garbage can, I get jealous someone had a better night than I did."

"What is a Sloth's favorite breakfast food? Slothages."

"Instead of accusing me of eating your leftover pie, ask yourself why you had any left to begin with, quitter *said thru a mouthful of pie*"