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Joke of the Day

"The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card."

"Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my knees and lean forward... because that's how I roll."

"Why doesn't 'Murica have any knock-knock jokes? Because Freedom Rings!"

"Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie? Because it keeps hitting pause."

"Girl are you a plumber? Cause i wanna make you moen"

"China must be a huge sausage-fest by now."

"What do you get when you mix liquor and literature.... Tequila Mockingbird"

"A friend of mine has a left foot fetish. It's just not right."

"Is there an apology card for: Sorry I kidnapped your dog and made him run on a treadmill to power my toaster last week, or no?"

"When I was 12 I got kidnapped. When my parents found out they snapped into action. They rented out my room."