211966

Joke of the Day

"One sperm said to the other sperm ""I'll race you to the egg!"" The other sperm said ""OK, but pace yourself, we just passed the throat!"""

"why do people live in regular houses when there are steakhouses"

"I'll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities."

"How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto? It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock."

"I failed my biology test today. There was a question that asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" I guess my teacher didn't think ""black people"" was a good answer."

"I still haven't been able to deal with the fact that Jessica Simpson has had two children and didn't name either one ""Homer"""

"TIL there is a nerve that runs from the tear duct to the anus. If you don't believe me, let me pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye."

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again! "

"Hell hath no fury like a pizza pocket that hasn't had proper cooling time."

"I don't drink anymore ...or any less, still too much."