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Joke of the Day

"Guy: ""Do you have a lighter?"" Me: ""Yep"" Guy: ""You smoke?"" Me: ""No, you just never know when you're gonna need to light someone on fire."""

"How many startup CEOs does it take to change a light bulb? Change a light bulb? Pfft! We are game changers."

"I said ""My, what big eyes you have!"" Followed by ""My, what big hands you have!"" And then ""My what big teeth you have!"" My charity gig for children with disabilities did not start out well."

"1 in 5 people are Chinese. Only 5 people in my family, it's either mom or dad, brother Colin, younger brother Ho Chan. I think it's Colin."

"Add an exclamation point to an email BOOM you're a morning person."

"What has 8 legs and wears a kilt? A Scottish pedophile."

"Letter to Santa... Little boy: Santa please send me a little brother!... Santa: send me your mother!!!"

"The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out."

"There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking."

"What do you call ravens trying to marry crows. Conspiracy to commit murder."