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Joke of the Day

"A man wanted me to engage in necrophilia... NSFW I told him to drop dead"

"If Monday had a face, I would punch it."

"I respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable."

"What is a sluts favourite drink? 7-Up in cider"

"Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because the octopus was well armed."

"What has 9 arms and 10 legs? A Def Leppard."

"How are a sword maker and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air alike? They're both black smiths"

"When someone reads your message, then never responds, it's just hurtful. I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?"

"Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym."

"I do pull ups to get girls... and pull outs to not get one"