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Joke of the Day

"A man wanted me to engage in necrophilia... NSFW I told him to drop dead"

"Wu-Tang is my favorite 15 person rap group and reaction to a beverage."

"So, I walk in on daughter masturbating with a carrot. I shout, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"Why don't they let blind people sky dive? It scares the shit out the dogs."

"Did you hear about the pig's vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans."

"The inventor of the snooze button has passed away. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00, 8:06, 8:11, 8:13, and 8:14."

"Recall how as children we were told not to make ugly faces because we'd ""stick that way?"" Careful. It works for dumbing ourselves down, too."

"two apples enter a bar... ...then I got sued by Apple"

"Because the unspeakable can also happen to men I bought myself a rape alarm. I'll be fucked if this thing doesn't work."

"I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me. At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse."