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Joke of the Day
"You're Mama's so dumb... She thought the Gay Pride Parade was in honor of Happy Lions."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause."
"How many ears does Leonard Nimoy have? 3. A left ear, a right ear, and the final frontier."
"CAR GPS: turn left PHONE GPS: turn right C: who was that? ME: just a friend P: just a friend? ME: wait C: make an illegal U-turn ME: babe"
"[first day as a coroner] me: he died at 11:42AM detective: are you positive me: it's hard with all this death but i'm hanging in there"
"I was simply stating that your crying child MIGHT fit comfortably in the overhead compartment, lady. #butseriously"
"Fat Lady vs Old Maid What is the difference? One is trying to diet, the other is dying to try it!"
"Making cakes Mom: I need to go to the store to buy some molasses. Dad: Why don't you just dig under the front yard?"
"The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji..."
"Santa is near .... ... I can sense his presents."