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Joke of the Day

"Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?"

"A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson's movie family."

"(Thought of this tonight) I saw my cat go under the porch. I thought it might give birth. Then it became a parent."

"Sometimes cops don't believe it when I explain that my mom's dying wish was to keep her cremated ashes inside a bag of blow in my glove box."

"You're so fat, when you sat on an iPod . . . It turned into an ipad. If you don't like my joke, you should really lighten up."

"The fastest and most deadly land mammal is a woman who has noticed another woman flirting with her man."

"When a knight in armour was killed in battle what sign did they put on his grave ? Rust in peace !"

"It seems that Montana has found a new use for sheep . . . Wool"

"An old dood told me this joke Whats pink and wet, and smells like pussy? Then he does [this](http://giphy.com/gifs/tongue-cody-simpson-dAKdA1l0GETVS) I love old people"

"How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other."