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Joke of the Day

"I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'"

"Don't break anyone's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206."

"I poked my eye out .("

"FDFP-What is a fish's favorite sex position? BASS TO MOUTH Made this one up, not really sure if it would work though. Ass to mouth isn't a sex position per se."

"Roommates Roommate 1: ""You think I'm nosy, don't you?!"" Roommate 2: ""No, not at all!"" Roommate 1: ""Then why'd you write that in your diary?!"""

"The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen"

"I made my first snowman today... It was so white it's already been nominated to Trump's Cabinet."

"When you use a stranger's phone charger, you're charging with everyone they've ever charged with."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? The tame way."

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? It wasn't born yesterday."