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Joke of the Day

"7yo: ""Who's singing this?"" Me: ""Franz Ferdinand."" 7yo: ""But, he died in 1914."" Me:"

"I went to the doctor today and he told me I have a big dick and a small heart... He also told me I was dyslexic."

"I can undo a bra with two fingers and no eyes but can't tie a tie with both hands and a 6 minute video tutorial."

"What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom? ""Well, I fucked that one up."""

"There should be a warning label on those straw cowgirl hats middle-aged women wear on vacation that reads: ""Will cause freckled cleavage."""

"You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers.."

"What did Frank say when he dropped his last slice of Pizza Hut in the toilet? ""Pizza shit"""

"I don't really like ""your mum"" jokes because they're a lot like your mum. They're really easy to do."

"Hotel guest to desk clerk: ""I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."" Desk clerk: ""No, it's regular porn you sick fuck."""

"Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free"