210890

Joke of the Day

"[Troy in the olden times] ""WTF is that?"" A wooden horse ""It's not full of soldiers is it?"" [from in horse] JUST TAKE IT INSIDE & HAVE A LOOK"

"When someone posts ""Hmmm. That was interesting..."" as their status on FB, I never ask what they're talking about because it never is."

"Me: You can't arrest me. I have to run a marathon today. Cop: Stop playing the race card."

"Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct."

"Called into work sick. My boss asked how sick I am... I said 'well I'm in bed with my sister'"

"Why can't motorcycles go faster? They're two tired."

"You smell like trash..... Can I take you out?"

"I saw an advert that read: ""Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."" I thought to myself, I can't turn that down."

"6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet"

"Married Couple Friend:hey how's your married life buddy..... Jhon: 20 years before it was like heaven ....... 20 years after no fucks given"