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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a story about a broken-down computer mouse? Depressing. \**crickets**"
Next Joke
"Do you know why turds are tapered? So your butt hole doesn't slam shut."
"[Hospital front desk] ""Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-"" *wife hits me* ""Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"""
"(First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: WHATEVER THE DARK LORD COMMANDS"
"What's the best thing from New York City? The train to Boston"
"I used to use alcohol as a crutch at parties Now it's more like Stephen Hawking's computer-chair"
"What's the difference between golfers and skydivers? Golfers: *smack* Shit! Skydivers: Shit! *smack*"
"I'm trying to raise a horse but she has insomnia. It's a nightmare."
"what was the last thing that went through Jane Wicker's mind? The Ground."
"My new years resolution is going well, lost 10 pounds! but that was down the back of my sofa...."