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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a story about a broken-down computer mouse? Depressing. \**crickets**"

"What did the penis say to the condom? ""Cover me. I'm going in."""

"What is a suicide bomber's favorite TV show? The Big Bang Theory."

"I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married... I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B."

"Q. ""Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?"" A. ""So that if the seat falls while they're drinking it won't smack them in the back of the head"""

"I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?"

"I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs."

"OH MY GOD EDDIE MURPHY IS GOING TO DO STAND UP I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT oh never mind they're going to commercial. #SNL40"

"I've given up sexual innuendo for Lent... so far it's been pretty hard."

"What is the new LGBT flavor enhancer for cunnilingus? (wait for it ... wait for it ...) creme brulee"