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Joke of the Day

"You think you're going to win this? I've been acting out potential fake arguments in the shower for years. You don't stand a chance."

"Alcohol was created as a social lubricant, to make men brave and women loose."

"What's the worst thing to hear after giving head to Willie Nelson? I'm not Willie Nelson."

"A homeless man staggers into a bar Plot twist... it was soap. He landed a lucrative job shortly thereafter and started sweeping his problems under the rug like the rest of us."

"i wonder wat time is *looks at wrist only to realize i am not wearig a watch* ah yes, i had forgoten that time is but a invisible everything"

"I was looking into the sky and I thought, why does that plane look bigger the closer it gets... then it hit me."

"40-32/2=4! (-1)12 <3 Maths"

"Did you hear about the businessman who is so rich he has two swimming pools one of which is always empty? It's for people who can't swim!"

"Pick a number, now add 7, divide by 4, write it down. Now get an apple, name it, show it a picture of your cat. Now go to bed,you're drunk."

"(x-post from /r/dadjokes) Did you hear about the new ultra-expensive cologne that's for sale? It's called ElonMuskTM"